When Picking A Partner

Updated: Nov 24, 2021

Ryan and I have been married for one whole month... which is WILD. Time flies when you're having fun!


I really could go on and on talking about the sweet moments and blessings from our first month of marriage. While there are plenty of stories to share, I have a different word for my single and dating friends today.


The bottom line: don't settle when picking your spouse.


I'm not talking about the ways society would tell you to not settle. This has nothing to do with height, or financial success, or eye color, or if they keep up with whatever is “on trend” today. I mean check his heart and make sure it belongs to Jesus before you give him yours.


My husband magnifies my understanding of our Heavenly Father. This is true because Ryan loves Jesus more than he loves me. Ryan and I are far from perfect (he would want me to emphasize that) but we are yielded to the Spirit and seeking first the kingdom, not each other. The sweetest moments of our marriage have been walking into the kitchen when I wake up only to find him sitting at the kitchen table praying over what he read in the word that morning. Or getting in bed at night and listening to him talk to Jesus about our new family, our people, and everything else going on in life.


I knew Jesus before Ryan, and I knew I was deeply loved by God. But the way Ryan loves, protects, serves, chooses, and cherishes me has only made my understanding of the Father’s love grow. This all is true because Ryan is surrendered fully to Jesus, and because he has walked in relationship with the Father for a few years now.


I asked him today what verse he would use to encourage someone to not settle when picking a spouse. He sent me Matthew 6:33-34. It reads, “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble”.


This verse doesn't tell us that when we walk faithfully we get a spouse. It’s telling us that Jesus is enough, that seeking first the kingdom is enough, and that all we have to do is walk faithfully and let the rest follow.


What we both have realized is that we did not wake up the day after our wedding as new people fit to be great spouses. There was a foundation laid in each of our lives that have drawn us closer to God.


The Lord has done a WORK in both of our lives (that's a story we both would love to share so please ask us whenever). But the truth is that neither of us were suitable spouses before we had Jesus as the number one priority in our lives.


That pursuit of Jesus doesn't stop once you're married. We are utterly dependant on our Savior and we seek Him daily, but now Ryan and I running the race together as a team.


So if you're single or dating, take a survey of your priorities. Where does Jesus fall on the list? Your purpose is not to make someone whole. You are not lacking in a season of singleness, it really is such a gift.


You will not be less lonely just because you have someone, you will not be less anxious because you have a person, and your insecurities won't disappear when you start dating (or even once you're married). I could go on and on here. My point, to be blunt, is that you should not settle for anything other than a spouse who wholeheartedly loves and serves the Lord.


At the end of the day, you are a daughter of the King. So give your heart to a man who has given his to Jesus.



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